If you look at the offseason activity of the two World Series teams, you'd think it was the Astros who had An Overfed Nine. The winning White Sox will be a different team in 2006. The losing Astros? You will definitely Recognize Them. The Juice Box will be like Norm's Beer Gang, where everybody knows your name.

The biggest Astros headline is this: Has the Darn Backbone of the rotation Averted Team? They need to Merger Clones, because without their ace, they're going to have some Arm Battles. They have A Foul Pipeline of minor league talent, and whether one of the youngsters can step in and produce anything equivalent to Two Royals is something of a Riddle Bag.

The other issue is whether Jeb Flew Flag for the last time. Tensions Prowl between Jeb and the Astros, who want to collect the insurance on his salary. But that's something for the Vital Lawyers to work out.

40-man roster:
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Pardon me if I turn into Tom Tantrum here for a moment. I was just working on my NL Central Anagram Wraps when I discovered that some dude decided to rob me of my idea. Rob? By Who? A total loser named Al, apparently.

So let me tell everybody what I think about Al, the Crime Brat:

Al Is Cow Snot, Milt. Al Wore Slime, Jim. Al Ran Bozos, Marc. He's a Dud Egg, Marx. He is all Wet, Much Lazier than I. If Al were Elizabethan, he would pilfer Shakespeare of Romeo and Juliet, and then Rob Verona, Too. I bet if Al, Slasher Man were on Survivor: Donner's Gulch, he'd be the last man left uneaten. So, Aye, Go On TV and Rob, Kidnap Air from a drowning diver. Heck, I would even bet Al Corrals Mom if it would suit his evil purposes. Yes, So Jeer Al, he deserves your scorn.

Al, it's time I Talked Word (Or Keyword) with you. It is so not cool to Pry Tradesmen of their work. Stealing someone else's gig is off the scale on the Lowly Deed Meter. As far as I'm concerned, your mother is henceforth The Irony Rat and your father will forever Reek Elder Berries. I Pee, Ruin Jar and Belch on Yarn in your general direction. You are not worthy to Jab My Horn.

So I'm warning you: watch out. Do you have a bodyguard Escort Yet? Don't bother. You can't stop me. I'll make any Escort Moot. If I Expel you from the blogosphere with A Penal Gang it won't be a moment too soon. If you try anything remotely like that again, I will make you sing from Woman Hill, if you know what I mean.

OK, sorry for that Sad Diva Drama. Back to your regularly scheduled anagrams.

40-man roster:
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Navy haze all in my brain.
Lately things don't seem the same.
Losin' strangely, don't know why...

Hold on, hold on...we got some Degraded Audio around here. It sounds Oh, Oh-So-Sonic. The output is muffled. That electric guitar sounds like a Leg Chime. Enough of them Yucky Baritone Tunes. It Nixes Heroics. We need a change, a Mime Ear Joy. Somebody Cram Vocals Ajar! Let Chillness Ring!

Navy Haze all around.
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down.
Am I happy with this Altered Brain?
Irksome me, set this Ruin Ablaze.
Navy haze, it's painful, baby
Something happening, a Clever Treat, maybe?

Ladies and Gentlemen: Jimi John Jake, A Zen Elf Hendrix.

Maybe Navy now can blow my mind.
'Scuse Me, while I kiss these guys.

40-man roster:
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Yo, Toaster, Let's Kick It!

All right stop, collaborate and listen
Old In Jeans has a brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me, trades just flow.
All chump playas just have to go.
No Grouchy Sin, Nor Green Sky,
Old In Jeans hits the bull in the eye,
Quick to the point, I'll give you proof,
We gonna blow the Onion Salsa Roof,
If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it,
Check us out: Vanilla Ice Dept.

Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.
Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.

Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
We're animal fierce in case you didn't know it
Last year's chumps were far too nice
Now Rangers got some Jeers Not Lice.
We add Mink Wool Devil, plus A Mean Toad,
Join Bearskin World, kick tail on the road,
I Abuse Rhinos, I Air A Skunk, Too.
Make the other team stink instead of you
After they lose, they'll have Cried For Raccoons.
Now we Look Meaner, not a moment too soon.

If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it,
Check us out: Vanilla Ice Dept.

Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.
Vanilla Ice Dept. Vanilla Ice Dept.

Yo man -- Let's get out of here! Word to your mother.

40-man roster:
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It was an unusual offseason in Oakland. For a change, GM Baby Nellie wasn't digging deep to replace a traded Humid Snot, or an Ideal Team Jug lost to free agency. Their primary free agents--Better Cat Ghost, Violated Coot, and Buried Our Zeal--added little excitement to the A's 88-win season in 2005, and will hardly be missed.

The A's had the unusual luxury of not only keeping their Ritzy Boar, but setting Estonia Ablaze alongside him. The rotation is now incredibly deep: Drench Hair is a whisker away from superstardom, Near Hand's stardom is also nearly at hand, while Elton Banjo rocketed through the second half of 2005 as one of the AL's top pitchers. And I think it's going to be a long, long time 'til the A's explore a new closer again. If you have Utter Hotness, what else do you need?

With the pitching staff well-baked, Baby Nellie turned his attention to spicing up offense. If the fiery personality that is Notably Milder can stay cool and not boil over, the A's attack will be far less bland in 2006. I can understand the skepticism about Fathom Snark's health, but any contribution he can make would be icing on the cake.

All these ingredients make a volitile mix. Things could sour quickly if A Panty Joy becomes unhappy about scanty playing time, or if Sick Whiners can't keep his motormouth shut and complains likewise. However, the A's think that having too much talent is more a recipe for success than disaster.

40-man roster:
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Argued Evil Mirror only walked 61 times last year. That astounds me. He should have been intentionally walked 61 times. I'd much rather face Arrogant Sender or Boiling Enema than stare into the Evil Mirror.

Now Enema has packed his bags, and left behind an even larger hole in the lineup than before. Plan A was to fill that hole with A Punk Looker, but Looker preferred the rockin' scene in Chicago. Plan B: hope the kids grow up soon.

If Evil Mirror is going to see any pitches at all in 2006, youngsters like Charmless Poland will need to come through with a far more charismatic performance than last year. If Checks Anatomy can find some muscle, it will go a long way. Otherwise, they may find their offense swimming upstream, and be forced to turn to Dreamy Snorkel and Drown and Boo earlier than expected.

Moving Dandier Arts back to center field is wise, but will he continue to dance second on the program, while Damned Kenya is cursed with the ninth slot? This offense can't afford to waste any more outs. The more people are on base for Evil Mirror, the more chances he'll have to cause damage.

On the pitching ledger, letting the overhyped Brash Juror Dawn leave was a wise move. Losing Lady Burp, on the other hand, seemed like a more noxious decision, until a bargain VJ Wafer Fee fell into their laps. Now with five solid starters, including No Local Robot and Enjoy Chalk, the rotation smells like a rose.

The relief corps ran out of steam at the end of 2005. Hitless Cods became more hitful, while Cursing Crazier Food tasted bitterness more often than usual. Adding Carrots Coacher and/Or Come, Jr. may help some, but the key to the Angels bullpen success may just be getting more innings out of their starters.

40-man roster:
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Following up on my mean geographic center story, lboros from Viva El Birdos has a couple of follow-up stories regarding Tuscumbia, Missouri, MLB's geographic center.

A self-proclaimed "physics geek" commenter in the first story says that I did not account for the curvature of the earth in my calculations, which could make the actual center off by up to 10 miles. Perhaps. But Cooperstown isn't the actual birthplace of baseball, but everybody agrees to play along with the idea, because it's a nice story. So regardless of what the facts actually happen to be, let's all let Tuscumbia have its fun, OK?

Our winner is: For The Turnstiles!

Congrats, Turnstiles. You win a PTBNL (prize to be named later).

Just so you don't have to check, nobody got the Final Humbugardy question right, which was: Who is Mark Grant? I'll leave it as a puzzle for you to figure out why.

Here are the final standings:

For The Turnstiles: 2203
T J: 1101
Humma Kavula: 1100
argosy: 800
graciebarn: 600
Dan Lucero: 500
Rorschach: 500
TFD: 500
Jacob L: 400
Baby Maddux: 300
cynic: 300
Ryan Wilkins: 300
Cliff Corcoran: 0
MatPat11: 200
Sam DC: 100
metfaninalaska: 100
Vishal: 80
deadteddy8: 29
Bob Timmerman: 1

Eligible players should email their questions to scorebard AT yahoo dot com.

OK, I'm finally ready for Final Humbugardy. Sorry for the delay.

Here are the rules:

1. The category is: "Riddle"

2. Only players who have positive points are eligible to play. Those players are:

For The Turnstiles: 6300
Bob Timmerman: 2600
T J: 1200
Humma Kavula: 1100
argosy: 800
graciebarn: 600
deadteddy8: 550
Dan Lucero: 500
Rorschach: 500
TFD: 500
Jacob L: 400
Vishal: 400
Baby Maddux: 300
cynic: 300
Ryan Wilkins: 300
Cliff Corcoran: 200
MatPat11: 200
Sam DC: 200
metfaninalaska: 100

2. You may bet as many of your points as you like in the comments below. I will close the betting just before I post the answer.

3. On Friday, February 10, 2006, at 9AM Pacific Time, I will post the answer.

4. The first three people to email the correct question to scorebard At yahoo dot com will win points. The others will lose their bets. Only the first answer submitted by each player will count.

5. The first correct answer will win triple the bet. The second will win double the bet. The third will win the amount of the bet.

6. If there aren't three correct answers by noon PT on Monday, February 13, the game is over.