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Offseason Anagram Wrap: Reds
2006-03-05 13:27
by Score Bard

Reds fans may hope that I'll Blog a Warm Lie, but I'm not the type of guy who gives an Award In Innocence. One Horrified Scan of the Reds offseason moves leaves me no choice but to predict an Early Doom for the 2006 Reds.

When your most significant moves are to acquire Saliva Mildew, to end up the loser in the Not My Wacko sweepstakes, while remaining unable to do something about your Sauna Stinker, it's a sure sign that your GM is No-Brained. Your GM may have a Prize Legume, but he's no Billy Beane. He Maligns Logic instead of uses it.

The good news is that the new Reds ownership recognized they had a Reds Brain of Chalk, and replaced their GM with someone who Was Very Kinky. Hopefully, the new impassioned leader will take No Small Pains to extricate the Reds from their Deathward Vise, but I think it's too late to correct the Arrogant Flub that was the Reds' offseason.

When 2006 is said and done, the Reds may have titillated with an offense that Ran Freely, but at the same time, their catchers Ran Jealous of every other pitching staff in baseball. Cincinnati will suffer through every Sinker Bum it puts on the mound. That's why they won't end up with gold rings around their fingers, only Battle Slime on their faces.

40-man roster:
39An Oar HangarR/R6-727005/09/78
35Androids Snag JetsR/R6-423011/09/78
36Arrogant FlubR/R6-219512/30/77
34Ban Loud ScannersR/L6-120005/01/79
31Battle SlimeR/R6-319506/06/80
25Deathward ViseR/R6-323009/25/69
45Dizzier Ale ArmorL/R6-018001/28/83
56Dyed Off CotR/R6-523009/09/80
48He Maligns LogicL/L6-221009/23/80
66Hi, Adult ArmpitR/L6-217007/12/81
40I Allow PunsR/R6-521003/28/73
57Joins ArgumentR/R6-119008/06/82J
22Metric LionL/L6-320508/04/75
45Mom's Hard ChinL/L6-121001/21/66
46No Small PainsR/R6-420008/26/77
37Reds Brain of ChalkL/L6-119508/30/76
50REM Neck TrekL/L6-220502/01/68
52Saliva MildewL/L6-323003/12/79
53Sinker BumR/R6-020507/14/78
00Thick WireR/R6-423012/23/68
65Vicar SchtickR/R6-322506/10/84
38Wear GrannyR/R6-422507/15/82
17Ever Vital NinjaS/R5-1021009/19/75
59Innards AheadR/R6-021504/08/79
29Prize LegumeR/R6-319009/25/83
23Ran JealousR/R5-1120503/19/74
12Award In InnocenceR/R6-119501/07/83
21Better Cat GhostL/R6-121012/14/69
4Early DoomS/R5-1115505/31/81
2Feel Pole ZipS/R6-118505/12/80
33Hi, I Curl AriaR/R6-119009/02/71
27I'll Blog A Warm LieR/R6-017502/04/83
64Joy To VoteL/R6-222009/10/83
15Not My WackoL/R5-917009/25/69
6Ran FreelyR/R5-1018003/08/76
3Fine Keg FryL/L6-322011/21/69
19Horrified ScanR/R6-019507/15/80
26I Play WomenR/R6-324501/23/82
44Mad Nun AdL/R6-627511/09/79
28Sauna StinkerR/R6-324505/20/80

2006-03-05 17:50:34
1.   das411
The guys over on DT just love it when the Reds Run Freely!

And I was sure that it would be Award in Innocence who would break up that no hitter today, shows what I know about the Reds I guess...

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