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Offseason Anagram Wrap: Pirates
2006-03-01 01:20
by Score Bard

In the green fields of Western Pennsylvania, beyond the Duck Haze, there lives an endangered species called the Buc Fan. Not only has the Buc Fan's beautiful habitat shrunk like that of the Northern Zebra Doe, but the insidiously attractive Steeler Candy Ruled the attention of every environmentalist in the area. Unless we put our Angry Gloves On and Join The Monks, apathy and neglect will soon cause the Buc Fan to suffer the same fate as the Rooster Salmon, the Tall Boring Bunny, and the Ailing Crows: extinction.

Sorry, I thought I was David Attenborough for a second there. Ha, Wrong Job. PNC Park may have the Coolest Jails and a really Cute Bathroom for relieving your Red Bladder, but there's No Pony Urinal. It's a ballpark, not a zoo.

For My Duration, I shall discuss the Pittsburgh All Nines. The good news is that there seem to be a number of good young arms on the way. But the hitters: can you Say Banjo?

To his credit, the Pittsburgh GM did not trade away any of those good young arms in attempting to Lay His Banjos down, but I don't want to Defend Shy Czar, either. He doesn't seem to have the Mental Touch to put together a contender. If you don't give up any coin, you can get neither a diamond Nor A Jade in return. This Acne Essay to improve the Buc offense-- It's Cranberry Gas. A team full of Neat Bunters will only produce the Same Matador offense Pirate Fans have suffered with for years.

40-man roster:
53All NinesR/R5-1118010/30/81
22Angry Gloves OnR/R6-321007/22/77
52Cotton VisasR/R6-319010/02/76
57Duck HazeL/L6-221004/19/83
59Evil Rep ZeroL/L6-220008/15/81
39Ha, Wrong JobL/L6-121011/04/78
37Join The MonksL/L6-222503/30/79
51Ken Gizmo ZealR/L6-120505/23/78
54Lay His BanjosR/R6-221008/13/80
61My Gonzo AntlerL/L6-220507/12/82
18Neat BuntersL/L6-019009/17/82
47Non-Stench Job HavenR/R6-421504/14/80
34Northern Zebra DoeR/R6-425011/11/64
28Oh, Pull MamaL/L6-222506/25/82
16Rooster SalmonR/R5-1121003/11/72
43Same MatadorL/L6-220502/14/75
32Skip WellR/R6-320504/21/77
44Splash Her JossR/R6-523501/26/81
55Stamp PactR/R6-324009/03/83
46Tall Boring BunnyR/R6-422009/30/80
11Cute BathroomR/R6-019502/07/79
41My DurationS/R6-020004/03/81
56No Pony UrinalR/R6-323504/21/81
25Acne EssayL/R6-423507/02/74
14Coolest JailsR/R6-120003/19/81
12Defend Shy CzarR/R5-1019012/21/77
7I Just Eat BoasR/R6-019010/19/80
3It's Cranberry GasR/R6-018003/08/82
2Licks No JawR/R6-020512/29/77
5Nor A JadeR/R5-1119012/18/69
35Red BladderR/R6-527007/12/80
7Steeler Candy LuredR/R6-120509/26/79
79Zing Mauve JarS/R5-1116505/04/84
36Ailing CrowsR/R6-222011/30/76
6Hid ScruffyL/L5-1018004/20/80
10Java Is AridR/R5-1119010/19/80
49Mental TouchL/R5-1118510/28/81
--Ritz Joy NumberL/R6-021004/15/69
38Say BanjoR/R6-220009/20/78
29Toy JudgerL/L6-019009/18/77

2006-03-01 09:03:38
1.   Inside Baseball
Fire My Tic Jar!!
2006-03-02 10:47:33
3.   Ken Arneson
2006-03-02 10:50:56
4.   Ken Arneson
test 4

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