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Offseason Anagram Wrap: Athletics
2006-02-18 12:12
by Score Bard

It was an unusual offseason in Oakland. For a change, GM Baby Nellie wasn't digging deep to replace a traded Humid Snot, or an Ideal Team Jug lost to free agency. Their primary free agents--Better Cat Ghost, Violated Coot, and Buried Our Zeal--added little excitement to the A's 88-win season in 2005, and will hardly be missed.

The A's had the unusual luxury of not only keeping their Ritzy Boar, but setting Estonia Ablaze alongside him. The rotation is now incredibly deep: Drench Hair is a whisker away from superstardom, Near Hand's stardom is also nearly at hand, while Elton Banjo rocketed through the second half of 2005 as one of the AL's top pitchers. And I think it's going to be a long, long time 'til the A's explore a new closer again. If you have Utter Hotness, what else do you need?

With the pitching staff well-baked, Baby Nellie turned his attention to spicing up offense. If the fiery personality that is Notably Milder can stay cool and not boil over, the A's attack will be far less bland in 2006. I can understand the skepticism about Fathom Snark's health, but any contribution he can make would be icing on the cake.

All these ingredients make a volitile mix. Things could sour quickly if A Panty Joy becomes unhappy about scanty playing time, or if Sick Whiners can't keep his motormouth shut and complains likewise. However, the A's think that having too much talent is more a recipe for success than disaster.

40-man roster:
53A Candid HugR/R5-1116503/24/83
58Crush Injured ChestR/R6-319011/19/77
40Drench HairL/R6-118011/30/81
55Elton BanjoR/R6-322512/11/80
37Enjoyed KenR/L6-424505/24/79
25Estonia AblazeR/R6-321512/31/71
47For LonersL/L5-1119008/09/79
45Jai Sit WackyR/R6-424008/28/72
36Jerk Rhino HenceL/L6-221505/29/79
31Koala Or RisksR/R6-018005/23/79
50Like A CrookR/R6-118501/09/75
61Mean HonkiesR/R5-917510/18/80
54Music BasherR/R6-321002/11/79
24Near HandR/R6-522009/17/80
30Rad EnemyR/L6-321007/03/81
75Ritzy BoarL/L6-421505/13/78
28Rotten YamR/R6-324501/10/80
46Salsa GlaciationR/R6-016506/25/80
51UC Run JazR/R6-216510/15/78
20Utter HotnessR/R6-018508/02/83
18And Jello SankR/R6-019506/26/74
17Ashamed MuleS/R6-220003/27/72
5Merry New JobR/R5-1021010/25/79
19Accost A RumorR/R5-1017010/30/75
8Buddy FiremenL/R6-118003/15/80
3Chive CrazeL/R6-120512/07/77
35Fathom SnarkR/R6-527505/27/68
29Johann NodsL/R6-222008/10/79
14Ma KillersR/R5-1118006/06/77
4Operation ZenR/R5-1117501/26/80
2Rue EskimoL/R5-1118504/25/80
7Sob Cry By BobR/R6-319501/12/80
16A Panty JoyR/R5-1018511/22/72
65Jeer Hair RaverR/R5-1119004/09/85
21Kayak StormL/L6-020012/02/75
23Kite By LobbyS/R6-122508/05/76
12Ma Wants TotL/R5-1120009/05/78
22Notably MilderS/R6-019004/15/78
33Sick WhinersS/L6-019501/25/80
26Stomach LasherL/L6-019012/26/78

2006-02-18 12:27:50
1.   Sam DC
Wow. I'm just blown away by this.

Notably Milder -- that's stunning.

2006-02-18 12:50:53
2.   Slikk
If only it were true!

Good job.

2006-02-18 14:24:16
3.   Kenny
Closer: # 20 Utter Hotness.

The girls would agree on this one.

2006-02-18 15:35:19
4.   kylepetterson
I don't know if I should applaud you or pity you. If I were Dan Meyer, though, I would change my name to "Rad Enemy". It sounds way tough.

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