It was an unusual offseason in Oakland. For a change, GM Baby Nellie wasn't digging deep to replace a traded Humid Snot, or an Ideal Team Jug lost to free agency. Their primary free agents--Better Cat Ghost, Violated Coot, and Buried Our Zeal--added little excitement to the A's 88-win season in 2005, and will hardly be missed.

The A's had the unusual luxury of not only keeping their Ritzy Boar, but setting Estonia Ablaze alongside him. The rotation is now incredibly deep: Drench Hair is a whisker away from superstardom, Near Hand's stardom is also nearly at hand, while Elton Banjo rocketed through the second half of 2005 as one of the AL's top pitchers. And I think it's going to be a long, long time 'til the A's explore a new closer again. If you have Utter Hotness, what else do you need?

With the pitching staff well-baked, Baby Nellie turned his attention to spicing up offense. If the fiery personality that is Notably Milder can stay cool and not boil over, the A's attack will be far less bland in 2006. I can understand the skepticism about Fathom Snark's health, but any contribution he can make would be icing on the cake.

All these ingredients make a volitile mix. Things could sour quickly if A Panty Joy becomes unhappy about scanty playing time, or if Sick Whiners can't keep his motormouth shut and complains likewise. However, the A's think that having too much talent is more a recipe for success than disaster.

40-man roster:

Pitchers		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
53	A Candid Hug	R/R	5-11	165	03/24/83
58	Crush Injured Chest	R/R	6-3	190	11/19/77
40	Drench Hair	L/R	6-1	180	11/30/81
55	Elton Banjo	R/R	6-3	225	12/11/80
37	Enjoyed Ken	R/L	6-4	245	05/24/79
25	Estonia Ablaze	R/R	6-3	215	12/31/71
47	For Loners	L/L	5-11	190	08/09/79
45	Jai Sit Wacky	R/R	6-4	240	08/28/72
36	Jerk Rhino Hence	L/L	6-2	215	05/29/79
31	Koala Or Risks	R/R	6-0	180	05/23/79
50	Like A Crook	R/R	6-1	185	01/09/75
61	Mean Honkies	R/R	5-9	175	10/18/80
54	Music Basher	R/R	6-3	210	02/11/79
24	Near Hand	R/R	6-5	220	09/17/80
30	Rad Enemy	R/L	6-3	210	07/03/81
75	Ritzy Boar	L/L	6-4	215	05/13/78
28	Rotten Yam	R/R	6-3	245	01/10/80
46	Salsa Glaciation	R/R	6-0	165	06/25/80
51	UC Run Jaz	R/R	6-2	165	10/15/78
20	Utter Hotness	R/R	6-0	185	08/02/83
Catchers		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
18	And Jello Sank	R/R	6-0	195	06/26/74
17	Ashamed Mule	S/R	6-2	200	03/27/72
5	Merry New Job	R/R	5-10	210	10/25/79
Infielders		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
19	Accost A Rumor	R/R	5-10	170	10/30/75
8	Buddy Firemen	L/R	6-1	180	03/15/80
3	Chive Craze	L/R	6-1	205	12/07/77
35	Fathom Snark	R/R	6-5	275	05/27/68
29	Johann Nods	L/R	6-2	220	08/10/79
14	Ma Killers	R/R	5-11	180	06/06/77
4	Operation Zen	R/R	5-11	175	01/26/80
2	Rue Eskimo	L/R	5-11	185	04/25/80
7	Sob Cry By Bob	R/R	6-3	195	01/12/80
Outfielders		B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
16	A Panty Joy	R/R	5-10	185	11/22/72
65	Jeer Hair Raver	R/R	5-11	190	04/09/85
21	Kayak Storm	L/L	6-0	200	12/02/75
23	Kite By Lobby	S/R	6-1	225	08/05/76
12	Ma Wants Tot	L/R	5-11	200	09/05/78
22	Notably Milder	S/R	6-0	190	04/15/78
33	Sick Whiners	S/L	6-0	195	01/25/80
26	Stomach Lasher	L/L	6-0	190	12/26/78