First, Klesko and Nevin complain
That hitting at Petco's a pain.
Next Giles and Greene
Go venting their spleen:
The batters start going insane.

With straitjackets on, it is hard
To hit the ball out of the yard
Then you slam into walls
But they're padded so you can't hurt yourself which makes you angry because you want to slam into something and have painful falls
But they won't let you
They're out to get you
They just want to keep you down
They want to see you frown
They want to define your borders
And when you don't let them they say you have disorders
They want to control your head
So you laugh at them hahahahahahahahaha instead
Then you spit in their face
And they tell you "that's why we have to keep you locked down here in last place"
Which madly, you still disregard.

 
When Gagne has pain in his arm
The Dodgers should sound the alarm.
He's so messianic
Without him, they'll panic
And say whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo until they gather themselves for a moment and look for a replacement down on the farm.

And panic again ohnoohno when they find
That Gagne is one of a kind.
Without him, they're stuck.
They'll probably suck
And fourth place is where they're consigned.

 
The Giants lose Bonds the Apostle.
But panic? No, they will be docile.
You can contend
With losing a friend
When you're as old as a fossil.

The pitchers, like Lowry and Schmidt,
Won't let the Giants just quit.
They won't be deterred,
But they'll finish in third.
Without Bonds, they simply can't hit.

 
The Dbacks improved by degrees
When Randy's great arm and bad knees
Brought Vazquez and Green,
While the free agent scene
Yielded Troy Glaus and Ortiz.

When three teams above them have aches,
That is good news for the Snakes.
They won't go from worst
Clear up to first,
But they'll certainly get better breaks.

 
The Rockies are Helton and...who?
They have an anonymous crew.
Atkins and Mohr
Will help the team score,
While Francis and Tsao will debut.

The team here that has the best health
Is likely to claim all the wealth.
The talented Rox
Will send out some shocks
By winning the West under stealth.